Why Our Values Matter: Guiding Our Teens Together

Hey there! We all know that raising teenagers is quite the journey. These are such huge years for them – they're figuring out who they are, how the world works, and starting to make their own big decisions.

It's during this time they really build their own beliefs. Think of values – those core ideas about what's right and important – as their internal compass. These values guide their choices and really shape the kind of person they're becoming.

One of the best things we can do for our kids during this time is make sure they feel supported and consistent messages, especially between home and school. That’s where shared values come in.

Working Together For Them

What Do We Mean by 'Shared Values'?

Basically, it’s about getting home and school on the same page about the important stuff – like ethics, how we treat others, and personal principles.

It means we’re teaching similar things, and just as importantly, living those values in how we talk and what we expect, both at home and in the classroom.

Our family is usually where our kids first learn about values, social skills, and what's considered okay behaviour. Then, school becomes this other huge part of their lives, broadening their world and showing them societal norms beyond just our family.

When the values we talk about at home are echoed and supported at school? That's powerful stuff! It creates this amazing synergy that really helps our teens grow, not just academically, but as well-rounded people ready to handle the ups and downs of being a teen.

The Perks: How Shared Values Help Our Teens

When home and school are sending the same message about values, it makes a real difference:

1. Doing Better at School:

• When things like responsibility, hard work, and respecting learning are valued both at home and school, our kids are naturally more motivated to try their best.

• Knowing that both their parents and teachers care about their effort encourages them to focus and aim high.

• Clear, aligned expectations about homework and honesty lead to better study habits.

• Simple family routines, like having a set homework time or just talking openly about school, really back up what they’re learning in class.

• A school that actively promotes positive values just feels like a better place to learn.

• Feeling this connection makes kids feel more supported and engaged, which usually leads to better grades.

2. Growing Socially and Emotionally:

• Consistently seeing values like empathy, respect, and kindness modelled and encouraged helps teens build stronger friendships and be kinder peers.

• Shared values create a sense of security. Kids know what to expect, which helps them feel more stable emotionally.

• Things like self-awareness, managing emotions, getting along with others, and making good choices (often called Social Emotional Learning or SEL) get a huge boost when the values behind them are consistent.

• Clear boundaries based on shared values help teens develop self-control and handle peer pressure better.

• It helps them build a strong moral compass for making ethical choices.

• Feeling connected to both home and school because the core values match up is vital for their mental health and helps steer them away from risky behaviours.

The Flip Side: When Values Clash

It can get tough when home and school seem to be sending very different messages.

• Conflicting ideas about what's right or wrong can leave teens feeling confused and anxious, making it harder for them to figure out who they are.

• Inconsistency can make them lose trust in adults at home or school – they might sense hypocrisy or feel like the guidance isn't clear.

• Feeling like the values don't match can make kids feel disconnected from school, like they don’t belong, which unfortunately can be linked to things like acting out or even dropping out.

• Different rules and norms in each place can lead to behaviour issues as they struggle to switch gears.

• It can even cause more conflict between teens and parents or teachers when fundamental beliefs don't line up.

• Essentially, if kids feel pulled in different directions, they might just check out from one environment or both.

Finding Common Ground: Values We Often Share

Even though families and schools might have slightly different ways of looking at things, there are many core values that pop up in both places. Recognising these is the first step to working together!

Here are some common ones:

• Respect: Treating ourselves and others with consideration.

• Honesty: Being truthful in what we say and do.

• Responsibility: Owning our actions and commitments.

• Kindness: Showing warmth and concern for others.

• Perseverance: Sticking with things even when they're hard.

• Empathy: Trying to understand and share others' feelings.

• Integrity: Sticking to our morals and ethics.

• Fairness: Treating people justly and without favouritism.

• Courage: Doing things even when they feel scary.

• Gratitude: Being thankful and showing appreciation.

Important Note: How we interpret these might differ slightly. That's why talking openly—parent to school, school to parent—is key to keeping the message clear for our teens.

Seeing it in Action: Real-Life Examples.

Think about how this plays out day-to-day:

• Temptation to Cheat: If honesty and earning success are valued everywhere, a teen is more likely to do the right thing on a test.

• Disagreeing Respectfully: If respect and consideration of other views are taught at home and in school, a teen can constructively voice a different opinion to a teacher.

• Welcoming a New Student: If kindness and empathy are consistently encouraged, a teen is likelier to reach out to someone struggling to fit in.

• Getting Chores & Homework Done: If responsibility is a shared value, teens are better at managing their commitments.

• Handling Setbacks: If perseverance is valued, not making the sports team becomes a chance to try something else, not give up.

When values are lived out consistently, they become real, positive actions in our kids' lives.

What the Experts Say

Child development pros agree that consistency between home and school is crucial. It creates the stable, predictable world teens need to thrive, reducing their anxiety. They also stress how important it is for parents and schools to partner up on this—it's vital for our kids' overall success and well-being. Plus, connecting desired behaviours to values our teens already care about (like fairness or independence) can be an effective way to encourage positive choices.

What Can We Do as Parents?

Want to strengthen that home-school value connection? Here are a few ideas:

• Talk About It: Start conversations about values – yours, the school's. Ask your teen what they think and really listen.

• Share Your 'Why': Explain your own values and why they matter to you. Be a role model through your actions.

• Connect to Real Life: Discuss how values show up in everyday situations, even in movies or shows they watch. Help them think critically.

• Team Up with the School: Find out what the school's core values are. Look for ways to echo them at home.

• Be Consistent: This is huge! Try to be consistent in your own actions and how you respond to your teen's behaviour. It shows values aren't just talk.

Wrapping Up

Getting our homes and our kids' schools aligned on core values is one of the best ways we can support our teenagers. It gives them the solid foundation they need to navigate these tricky years.

When we work together – parents, teens, and schools – we boost their chances of doing well academically, help them grow into kind and responsible people, and set them up for future happiness and success. It’s an ongoing effort, but it's so worth it!